Nine Ways to Build Trust, Credibility, and Respect
A conversation with Mark Will, Dale Carnegie of Southeastern Michigan
There is a story I have told a few times now, and it still makes me smile every time I do. I came out of college quiet. Uncomfortable in my own skin. Even one-on-one conversations gave me anxiety. Someone told me to go to Dale Carnegie, and I did. That was 25 years ago. And I will tell you, it was like being let out of jail.
That is not an exaggeration. If you have ever felt stuck inside your own head, unsure how to connect with people or carry yourself in a room, Dale Carnegie is one of the best investments you can make in yourself. I do not endorse things lightly, but I am a genuine believer.
So when I got the chance to sit down with Mark Will, who leads the Southeastern Michigan chapter of Dale Carnegie, I knew it was going to be a good conversation. Mark grew up in Detroit and started his entrepreneurial career at eight or nine years old with a newspaper route, made enough to buy his first car, and eventually found his way to Dale Carnegie the same way most people do: by reading the books, falling in love with the philosophy, and deciding he wanted to teach it.
We talked about nine principles for building trust, credibility, and respect. These come from How to Win Friends and Influence People, and they sound simple. That is the point. They are common sense. But as Mark kept reminding me throughout our conversation, common sense is not always common practice.
1. Don't criticize, condemn, or complain.
This one sets the foundation for everything else. Dale Carnegie's suggestion is not that you never address a problem. It is that you lead with understanding instead of criticism. Mark made the point that we often criticize ourselves more than we criticize other people, and that self-criticism affects your attitude and your relationships in ways you might not even realize.
Think about it this way: on a first date, you are not criticizing. You are showing up curious and engaged. The same logic applies to any relationship you are trying to build.
2. Give honest, sincere appreciation.
The key word there is sincere. If you are giving the same compliment on repeat, it loses its meaning fast. Mark's point was that people are genuinely starving for this kind of attention, and when you can catch someone doing something right and acknowledge it specifically, it is powerful. It works in leadership, in sales, and at home.
I think about this with kids. Instead of constantly pointing out the messy room, thank them for what they did do right. Put their shoes away without being asked? Call it out. You are catching them doing something right, and that changes the dynamic entirely.
3. Arouse an eager want.
This follows naturally from the first two. When you stop criticizing and start appreciating, people want to show up for you. That is the eager want. You are not manipulating anyone. You are creating the conditions where people genuinely want to contribute.
4. Become genuinely interested in other people.
I will be honest: this one comes naturally to me. The more different someone is from me, the more curious I am about their story. But Mark made a fair point that genuine interest takes real effort sometimes. It means doing the homework. Reading up on what matters to them. Not just pretending to listen while you wait for your turn to talk.
5. Smile.
Common sense. Hard to practice consistently. Mark admitted he has to work at it. I shared a trick I picked up somewhere along the way: if you hold a pencil between your teeth, it mimics a smile and actually shifts your mood. Your body starts to believe what your face is doing. Try it before a Zoom call or a meeting when you are not feeling your best.
And yes, you can hear a smile over the phone. It changes the tone of an entire conversation.
6. Remember that a person's name is the sweetest sound in any language.
This one is about attention to detail. Mark made a point I thought was excellent: pay attention to what people want to be called. Kimberly does not want to be called Kim. Michael does not want to be called Mike. Those details matter more than you would think, and getting them right signals that you actually see the person in front of you.
7. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Two ears, one mouth. There is a reason for that. Mark talked about the five levels of listening, and the common failure mode: being so ready to respond that you stop actually receiving what someone is telling you. In sales, that costs you information. In leadership, it shuts people down. In any relationship, it signals that you care more about being heard than about understanding.
8. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
This builds on everything before it. When you are genuinely interested in someone and you have been listening closely, you start to understand what matters to them. When you can meet them there, you build confidence in them. Confidence leads to trust. Trust leads to a real relationship.
9. Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely.
The last piece, and maybe the most memorable. When we recorded this episode, Rob, the owner of the studio we use, handed me a bottle of Angel's Envy bourbon before we started. He remembered I had only tried it once and that it was one of his favorites. No occasion, no agenda. Just a genuine gesture.
I felt like a million bucks walking in that day. That is the principle in action. It did not cost much. But it stuck.
Mark's closing challenge was simple: download the free Dale Carnegie app, or reach out to him directly and he will send you a paper version of the golden book. It takes less than three minutes a day to review these nine principles. Read them the way you brush your teeth. Make them a habit. Common sense becomes common practice when you put in the reps.
I would add my own version of that: print them out and put them somewhere you will see every morning. If there is something you want to change about how you show up, a daily reminder beats a good intention every time.
These nine principles are not magic. They are discipline. And the results, in your business, your relationships, and how you carry yourself in the world, are absolutely worth it.
To connect with Mark Will and the Dale Carnegie Southeastern Michigan team, email mark.will@dalecarnegie.com or call [VERIFY: 248-380-7000].
To reach PCIA, visit pciaonline.com or call 800-969-4041